Help me with my break-up woes !
Question: I feel miserable … I feel I am being too weak… someone dumped me without adequate reason..
Answer: Break-ups are really heart-breaking, especially if you have emotionally invested in a relationship and believed that your partner has also been equally serious. Your world suddenly comes crashing down when your partner decides to break-up without giving you a fair explanation for it. You probably rightly feel many emotions like hurt, humiliation, anger and helplessness. And you may want answers but don’t get them.
Question: What do I do?
So what do you do to face up to such a situation?
The first thing to do is to acknowledge the emotions you are going through and talk to a good friend about it. Perhaps you can tell your friend not to give you advice but to just listen. If you share a good communication with your parents then it might be a good idea to talk to them too. You may never get adequate reasons as to why the relationship didn’t work. But don’t beat yourself up about it. Such things happen due to a complex set of reasons that are not easy to disentangle. Perhaps it is not about you at all. Maybe your partner is commitment phobic or has some other reasons. While it may help you get closure to know the reasons, often you might not get them. So let it go. It is a good to keep your dignity…and not beg your partner or keep calling or messaging him or her, after having made reasonable attempts to communicate…
For some time till you pull yourself together, it may be a good idea to avoid places where you might bump into him/her. Don’t ignore your own needs and keep yourself well-groomed so that you feel good about yourself. Sometimes it is a good idea to “fake it till you make it!” It may also help to write in your journal about what you are going through. While the wound is raw it may be difficult for you to believe that you will feel better, but as time goes by the wound will heal. Hold on to that belief and you will make it through this. Keep your true friends close to you when you feel vulnerable. Do something fun with them even if you feel like burying yourself in bed the whole day. You will be able to pull yourself out of this dark place with time. And if you feel that the ideas mentioned above are not working, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help- talk to a therapist about how to process your emotions…and help the natural process of healing… For all you know you may even come out stronger or discover your strengths that you never knew existed…
Expert: Ms Sukanya S, Consultant therapist at Columbia Asia hospital and an independent practitioner, stress management coach and content writer