Liberation: A poem on help-seeking by Radhika

These walls crushed me, I couldn’t breathe
Whenever I started doing something, I couldn’t do it with ease

I became confused, not understanding anything

I knew that I couldn’t do it, I was awaken every night barely sleeping

I wanted to escape this thing called life, what was the point of going on?

No one understood me, where did I belong?

People told me to seek help, who could help me?

I thought psychologists and counsellors read mind, there were things I didn’t want them to see.

I wanted my privacy; I didn’t want them to pry

But I couldn’t take it anymore; I had no tears left to cry.

Should I just talk to them? What will everyone think of me?

Am I crazy? Am I overthinking? Is this how it’s going to be?

Finally I reached their doorsteps, wondering whether I was doing the right thing

All these numerous questions and doubts were swirling in my mind

The session was liberating, I felt like I could breathe once again

Finally I realised I wasn’t crazy, I was mentally in some pain.

I realised I had someone who wouldn’t judge me

Not making me doubt myself and letting me be me

After few sessions I felt light like a feather

The self-pity and anxiety lessen, it was so much better

Those sleepless nights became events of the past

This new happy me became true to herself at last

-Radhika Srivastava