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A First person account: The Story of ‘ME’

A note from the author before you read further:
This story has been written keeping myself (ME) in my mind. It started off as an entry to my journal, and I soon realized that the struggles I faced were being faced on an everyday basis by people all over the world. ME started off with ME in my mind but ME is a representation of everyone who is hurting and cannot talk about it openly. When you read ME keep yourself in mind, keep someone you know who is in pain in mind. I hope the concept makes you realize that in our imperfections lie our greatest strengths 🙂

This is the story of a girl called ‘Me’.
Me is happy and me is okay. Me is confused and lost most of the time. Me is anxious and depressed. Me cannot handle eating junk food because it triggers off more depression for her. Me can’t handle shouting. Me doesn’t like pride arrogance or ego. Me doesn’t like getting close to people. Me likes being close to some people and still needs space from them from time to time. Me has hobbies… reading, cartooning, writing. Me likes skipping and swimming. Me likes walking slowly. Me likes movies and music. Me likes shopping. Me likes comedy especially stand ups. Me likes colors lot. Me likes a lot of things. Me doesn’t often do anything Me likes. Me believes she is weak but Me is not ashamed of admitting that. Me feels it takes strength to even admit that me is weak. Me feels her weakness comes from the fact that she uses her past as a crutch to get away from doing work and other important things.
Me has a personality also. The first thing you should know about Me is that Me is highly sensitive and emotional. Me focuses on people instead of herself, because if she focuses on herself then Me will feel pain. Pain that Me is running from because it requires her to be strong and better than what she currently being. Me is emphatic and me understands people to a good extend. Me however doesn’t understand all that much about herself. Me is very upset with her body and Me is very afraid that she will always remain fat. Me feels good when she is active. Sometimes Me wonders why Me doesn’t do the things that will help her. Me is a little lost. Me is worried about what other people think of her. Me wonders what Me thinks of Me. Me is attached to a few people. Me is afraid of attachments. Me is afraid so she behaves badly to test how long it will take before that person will leave. Me is surprised but some of them have stayed. Me is wondering if Me should stop testing the who love her and who she loves. Me is
not a bad person. Me is a self- destructive person. Me believes that she brings ill will to everyone and everything around her. Me is scared of Me. Me thinks Me is a mistake.

Me knows what not to do. Me also knows what to do. Me knows what she likes. Me knows what she doesn’t like. Me knows she wants lose weight. Me knows she wants to be happy, me knows blaming her past is no longer healthy for her. Me’s battle is Me’s and Me can’t give up because Me doesn’t want to. Me knows she can do better. Me has a small bunch of things that make her happy. Me has and will continue to try and help herself move forward. Me doesn’t want to go back home. Me wants to be happy. For Me that
means independence and the ability to take care of herself. Me does not like loneliness. Me can be highly illogical. Me wishes she was perfect. Me is obsessed with perfection. Me knows that perfection is a myth. This obsession has made me take some irrational actions. Me feels so alone sometimes when Me can’t explain this to people she loves. Me feels she doesn’t deserve to be
happy and therefore she does whatever she can to hurt herself physically or mentally. Me is scared of attachment, loss and of change. Me always has delayed reactions to things and people. Me is somewhere living for other people and not for herself. Me wonders sometimes why she didn’t get a chance to get onto the Hogwarts Express. Me is damaged but has a sense of
humor behind which she hides. Me is lost but gets up in the morning with purpose somewhere in the mumbo jumbo of her head. Me is scared of the world but is taking one day at a time. Me has an image but Me wonders if the image is changing because she wants it to for herself or for other people.

Me often finds herself in the oddest of situations and it is in these situations that Me finds her closest friends. Me finds love in strange places. Me finds happiness in the most unlikely people. People who are logical, calm yet compassionate. People who are like Me..people who are relaxed and go with the flow. Me finds these people damaged as well. Me has realized that everyone is damaged. That’s why Me is not perfect. Me is damaged but Me strives to be better.

..so that the damage doesn’t cause more pain later. Me has understood and accepted that life is difficult and can only be lived if the damage in our souls is lessened. Me realized that in a very difficult way today. Me realized she wants to be strong like her mother. Me realized she wants to do what she wants to. Me wants to live for herself. Me has realized that its okay. It’s all okay. Someone very intelligent told Me that Me should only take tension about the things Me can control. Me should not take tension about the things that Me couldn’t control. Me thinks that makes sense. Me forgets to value people sometimes but Me is learning. Me is learning to explore and cement relationships. Me is learning to enjoy whatever Me does and has. Me is learning above all how to be Me. ..because for Me, Me had no identity. Now Me is developing one slowly. Me finds it difficult. However Me has support. Me has love. Above all Me has decided she wants to find herself. Because in life whether thin or plump good looking or not, smart or dumb Me has realized one thing- she has good intent. For me this is a confidence booster.

If you ever meet me you’ll see that me is an oddity. Me walks with her head down and her feet put together. Me wears the most normal clothes but has abnormal conversations with random people. Me finds dogs sweet and protective. Me wants to tell the people she is close to, the people she loves how she feels. Sometimes Me just wants to hold someone because words don’t seem enough to express how she feels. Me is sorry a lot. That’s probably because me is still learning. What others learnt before her Me is learning now. That’s okay though, Me is a fast learner.

I’ve met Me. I’ve spoken to Me. I’ve helped Me when she’s needed Me. Me has been saying she’s ready. She’s ready to get stronger, braver, more responsible and less of a drama queen. Me says she’s ready to face the world without the crutch, the crutch of her past. Me still has problems asserting herself and otherwise also. She struggles with a lot of negativity and irrationality. I’ve noticed that. However Me is starting to stand on her two feet and I’m proud of me. I hope one day you, like I, get to meet Me. You’ll probably find her looking into the eyes of a dog and talking to it earnestly about its feelings.

By: Anonymously Lucky